July 2012
47 posts
You know what’s cool? Last night, I would have torn through my skin a dozen times, if I hadn’t been texting. if you take away my distractions, I’m not gonna be able to hold myself back. So fucking thanks guys. Thanks. If you knew this though, you would just commit me, or get me meds. Which is why I don’t tell you anything, ever. So now, I can blame all my scars-to-come, on...
I really hate it when my parents put me in a bad mood. I’m being unnecessarily angry, and they have a right to make rules. They just give me fucking stupid rules, for no reason. It’s summer, I shouldn’t have a curfew for texting and computer use. come on. and nine o clock? really? my 6 year old neighbor goes to sleep at nine. ugh.
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I love you.
I told you I’d post about which road my thoughts took. So here you go. Nothing negative. Nothing bad. Im thinking about how much I love you, and how much you mean to me, and how amazing you are. I love you, Sunny. Don’t ever forget it.
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I love you.
I don’t mean I’m in love with you. I mean I love you. I care about you. I love your personality and the way you are. I love /you/. Im not in love with you yet, but I can feel myself falling. For now, my ”I love you”s just mean that I care for you and really like you and want you near me. Trust me, ill clarify when the meaning changes. But for now I just love...
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I miss you.
I don’t just mean I miss you because you’re out of town. I miss you being close to me, when we cuddle and I hold you as close as I can. I miss holding you. We haven’t really been able to be /together/ for a while. And I miss it. Of course I love being with you and hanging out. But I miss being able to be alone with you. Everything was sincere and intimate and sweet. It made me...
I’m just a little girl. I still believe in happily-ever-after. I believe in true love. I have high hopes for everything, and I think I can date someone in high school, and end up marrying them. I’m really quite naive when it comes to love. Life likes to take advantage of that.
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If I could drive, I would drive to your house in the morning. I would give you the biggest, tightest hug I’ve ever given you, and I would hold you long enough for you to know I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Then I would look into your eyes, and verbally tell you how much I love you. Then I would ask if I could kiss you. Once your eyes said yes, I would kiss you ever so...
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Today was fun. You got to meet my friends, and see how I am with them. I enjoyed being with you. I’m really really glad I got to spend time with you today. I’m pretty sure I would have died if I had to go twenty or so days without seeing you.
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My light keeps flickering, and its scaring me a bit. My bed is cold. I’m cold. I don’t like it.
My entire room feels cold and lonely. The thermometer says its 77. But without you, it might as well be -11.
My bed is small, but it seems so big. So much empty space. Mocking me. I need my cute little pig.
I try to fill the space with pillows and plushies, but they aren’t the same....
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I love how open we are. It makes me feel like this will work out. I love that I can tell you anything. It might be a bit awkward at first, but we just talk about things as if they’re everyday topics. I really love how easily I can tell you things. We just have to work on my ability to actually vocalize my words. I’m sure ill be able to eventually.
I feel like this relationship can...
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I want to be your first.
Your first everything. Your first girlfriend. Your first kiss. Your first time. Your first cuddle-buddy. Your first ‘roommate’. I want to be your first everything. But I also want to be your last.
I tell people I’m okay. I tell them I’m better. That I’ve stopped. That everything is fine. That I’ve gotten better. But I’m not. I havent.
Oh look here comes the depression and self loathing kicking in. No. Go away.
Things like this really get me down. I lose hope and faith in things, after they’re shot down time and time again. I want this to work, more than I’ve ever wanted a relationship to work out. But it just keeps getting screwed up. I’ve learned to never get my hopes up. But you, you make me believe in stuff. Even though I know better than to get my hopes up. I just want everything...
If you think self harm is a cry for attention then...
Whenever you get upset, I feel like I’m fucking this up. This relationship means so much to me. I want to keep you forever. I don’t want to lose you. Everyday, a million times a day, I think about how much I don’t want to lose you. Whenever I make you upset, I feel ten steps closer to losing you. I hate it. I always upset people and then they leave. Please dont leave me. I know...
I’m sorry for saying that. I thought you got offline to mess with me. I didn’t mean it seriously. I was only teasing back. But you weren’t teasing. I’m sorry. Really.
I can’t tell if you’re actually angry with me or not. did you just have to get offline or. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that would upset you. I’m sorry if I actually made you mad. Please forgive me?
Dammit. I just want to kiss you so fucking badly.
I absolutely adore your voice, have I ever mentioned that? I’ve never really noticed anyone’s voice before, but I love yours. I can’t pin point exactly what I love about it, but it makes me smile.
Can I just cry or. I don’t like dealing with things. Why can’t things just go smoothly. Asdfghjkl. Ugh.
I’m trying to act like this doesn’t bother me. But, to be honest, it does. I don’t like it. At all. I know it could be worse, and I’m grateful that its not. But. I just want to be able to call you mine, and kiss you, and hold you tight. But now I can’t. I have to be your ‘just friend’ for a long time. I’m Willing to wait for you. I just hope I can. I...
Hm.
[[MORE]]Well then, I guess I won’t be able to call you my girlfriend. at least for another.. four years. hm. Oh well, you want to respect your parent’s. I do too. I guess we can work with this. Hugs are still really nice~ and friends can cuddle with eachother, right? It’ll be okay. I’m happy with what I can get.
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Last night I had an unpleasant dream.
I dreamt I was hanging out with “betty”. But I was dating “suzy”. And “betty” kept trying to kiss me and hug me. But I kept pushing her away. I just wanted to be her friend again, but she was throwing herself at me. The whole time, I could only think of “suzy”. Even in my dream. She was all I could think of....
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I like you so much more than I ever intended.
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You.
Do you know why I’m so devoted to you? Because, why would I want anyone else? You’re perfectly amazing, and you’re absolutely stunning. You can be completely serious with me, and talk about all our faults and things. And the next minute, you can be teasing me and calling me names. I love that. You have one of the Cutest smiles I’ve ever seen. And your eyes are just. Wow....
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I wish I could spend so much more time with you. I miss you from the moment I leave your side.
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Being with you makes me oh so happy. Even if we’re just playing video games with your siblings. Even if you’re interrogating me on what I wanna eat. I love being with you. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Along with the feeling I get when we touch. I love when my skin brushes against yours. When we hug. When our knees brush. When you grip my hand tightly with yours. I...
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I was thinking about you. I want you to know something. You’ve dated some pretty shitty girls, who’ve really hurt you. I hated every one of them, with a passion. I wanted you to be mine, so you could see what a nice girl was like. But I’ve hurt you too. I may have lost my feelings for you, but I still care. I need you to know, you deserve better than those kinds of girls....
